Rajni Shah

What’s the value in having fun?

The Floor of Goodbyes

It was lost in a concrete landscape. It was trying to stay present in the rush of a breaking tooth. It was all the aeroplanes in the sky at once, screaming “See and hear us! We are many!” It was the swans who sang hello and goodbye. It was going to the train station because you had to leave. It was too many memories etched into a wooden floor. It was squeezing in one more person, promising that this was the last, but each time stubbornly carrying on. This was the fear of goodbyes. This was the floor of goodbyes. It was the worldwide reluctance to say no. It was the end of time, and yet nothing kept ending, and everyone just kept on insisting on one more party. It was breasts and willies and balloons and sweat and ogres. It was everything you feared in your dreams. And then it was one by one, the colours becoming fully saturated, and then they were done. Dead. Full up. This is how it ended. With a messy disgusting pile up of memories in a hard dry paint that used to be sticky. Once the colours were full, that was it. End of party. No more colour. No more days of the week and no more sound. No more movement. No more reluctance. No more water, let alone coffee or tea or wine. You shouldn’t have let all those memories follow you round. You shouldn’t have been so afraid of the animals and their forgetfulness. You should have let it all go to the fields and the winds and the waters, even though they were not yours. Because what does it matter now. You have lost it all anyway.

written by Rajni Shah on 12/9/2012
as part of ‘Holding OPEN’ with artist Karen Christopher, a duet performed weekly where we both write after a time of doing nothing.

Rajni Shah is an artist whose work aims to open up new spaces for conversation and the meeting of diverse voices. www.rajnishah.com